Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
