I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
