Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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