Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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