I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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