I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
