Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
