On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
