would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
