We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
