Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
