It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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