i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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