I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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