The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
