nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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