Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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