Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
