OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
