Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, he came in my armpit
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
