i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
