but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
