you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
