i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
