Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
