is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
