Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
