dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
