We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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