Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
