our cab driver is having phone sex.
do herpes really smell.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
