too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
