Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
