Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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