Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
