Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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