do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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