I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
