i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You're earring is so big in my mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
