Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
