i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
