the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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