Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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