Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she told me i tasted like america
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
