She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
