After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
