sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
