i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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