Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
