My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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