wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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