i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
