We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
